Archives for category: Headaches

Sex in a small car

It’s been a while since I’ve shared a story of mine so here you go.

I was probably about 18 at the time. At my friend’s house. Watching porn. Yeah, looking back it’s slightly awkward, but that’s beside the point. Nothing homosexual happened so stop thinking it and let me finish this story.

A few minutes of this I realized that I could be getting laid. I called one of my “friends” to help facilitate this. We’ll call her Kim. That’s not her her real name, but you knew that. Blonde. Thin. Big breasts. Full lips. Great ass. Cool with just being “friends”. In other words, perfect. She arrived 20 minutes later. We resumed watching porn. A few minutes pass and I asked my friend for a room to take Kim into. Being a jealous virgin at the time, he refused. Fucking bullshit. He did, however, have a spare condom. Shocking.

I had been drinking so driving wasn’t an option. In retrospect, she could have driven us to my house and back but like I said, I had been drinking. I couldn’t think straight at that point. Read the rest of this entry »


This goes to that “special” person I know and hate on occasion, yet continue to be friends with.

I’ve wanted to say this for a little while now, but couldn’t find the right way to say it let alone the time, so here goes…

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck YOU.

Why are we friends? I honestly don’t know.

I thought you were cool at one point but something changed… I can’t figure out what, but it felt like it was me and/or my imagination. It wasn’t. It’s you. You’re just a bitch.

Let’s forget each other and never speak again.

I wish I had the balls to say this to the person, but I don’t, so I’ll just ignore them for now…


How do you keep the love going? I don't know

Question posed: I got the girl, now how do I maintain the relationship?

That’s about as difficult to answer as, “What is she thinking?”

Answer, in short: I have no fuckin’ clue.

I’ve failed enough relationships to last a lifetime. I’m probably the last guy to ask. I do, however, know what not to do. That’ll take way too long to list though, and probably not what you’re looking for.

The best advice I could give you is, don’t do anything she wouldn’t want you to do and do the things she likes. That varies, of course. It’s your job to find those things out. That, in itself, helps to maintain the relationship.

An incredibly successful man, both in business and in life, once told me, “Be the man she wants.” It made sense at the time. Still does, in fact. But that breeds another question; what does she want? Most of the girls I know have no clue what they want. When they do, it changes the next week.

As frustrating as that can be, it’s what you have to do. The good thing is, if you pay good enough attention it’ll be easy.
Read the rest of this entry »


An attractive chick unzipping her shorts

I’m not making any big discovery with this one. In fact, I’d be surprised if someone wasn’t aware of this already. Nevertheless, it still needs to be said.

I’ve recently come across a string of girls who use sex as some sort of excuse to escape reality. By this, I mean they have sex as a way to avoid the issue(s) that’s troubling them. To be fair, it’s my belief that they’re not aware this is the reason they do it.

If you aren’t following, don’t worry. This one’s slightly harder to explain than I had hoped. Let me give you an example: Take a girl who’s been in a long relationship with a man. They love each. Live together. Everything seems fine in the world until the guy she’s in love with wants to break up.

Following so far? Good.

Now this guy, as we’ve seen many times before, confesses to having feelings for another woman. He leaves this girl for the other woman. Complete and utter heartbreak ensues.

True story.
Read the rest of this entry »


Women love drama

It’s a well known fact. Women love drama. Maybe a generality that all women do but I’ve yet to meet one who doesn’t. Maybe another generality, but who’s keeping track.

If you’re a woman reading this, you’re probably thinking, “Omg, I don’t love drama at all!” Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all say that.

But why exactly do they love drama? Good question.

If it’s not drama with their boyfriend, it’s drama with their girl friend. If it’s neither of those then, well, it’s whatever they can think of.

I used to think it was just because they’re women and have vaginas. Vaginas are confusing so they are too. Makes sense right? This theory could be true but it’s an easy way out. I needed more.

My other theory was a much worse one. I figured it was just in their DNA. After meeting so many girls with drama I began to come up with any reason as to why they were the way they were. Lazy.

But I think I know why now. Women are problem solvers by nature. What happens if they don’t have a problem to solve? They find one. What’s drama? Another term for problems. The only reason why a woman’s drama is different then a man’s problem is their more vocal about it. And they like to let it draw on and on. And on. And…….. on.

Maybe some don’t realize their dramas are actually problems so they never see the solution. Who knows. The fact still remains though. Women love drama. Maybe if enough read this there will be less in the world and we’d all be happy for it.

Wishful thinking.


angry guy yelling

That's how I felt on the inside.

It was about 3 years ago. I still remember it as if it was last night though. Thankfully it wasn’t.
I won’t bore you with details of how I met her but I’d like to add just one thing. I had met her years before this. Back then she was incredibly hot but we were both in relationships and never had the chance. Enough with all that. Here’s the story:

I should’ve known things weren’t going to be good when I had to pick her up at her work. Why you ask? Think about it. She didn’t get a chance to get ready. Or shower. Those things are important. You’ll see why further in the story.

So, I waited for her for half an hour as she finished her work. It was pointless to figure out ways of getting out of it. That didn’t stop me from considering it though.

If you noticed earlier in the story I said she was hot “back then”. Yeah. She wasn’t so hot anymore. My fiance and I had just broken up and I was holding on to my long lasting crush that had faded years back. I was determined to fuck this chick. I don’t know. Maybe I was trying to relive the past. Whatever it was, it was retarded. Back to the story.

After she finished work I followed her to her house so we could take one car and she could “freshen up” Looking back now, I should’ve thrown her in the shower. More on that later.
We spent way too much time at her house looking at random shit. Her place was a complete disaster. I’m not the neatest person in the world but she put a 13 year old boy to shame. I was ready for a drink. Or three.

The plan was drinks and billiards. Not too special but I did it for a reason. So I could drink and not give 100% of my attention to her. Classy.

When we got there things weren’t going too bad. I had hope. The chances were high for me getting laid. Read the rest of this entry »


Woman chewing gum

She knows what's up.

Toothbrushes aren’t that expensive. Neither is toothpaste, yet you refuse to combine the two at least two times a day. Gum. Buy a bunch and have it on you at all times. Don’t forget to chew it either.

Nasty ass, funky breath is a MAJOR turn off. You wouldn’t want to make-out with eight cans of shark shit would you? Neither would I. That’s what your breath smells like though.

I always have gum on me. You’ll see me chew a piece most of the time. Even if I’m at a bar. Especially if I’m drinking. Beer breath is gross. Gum and beer might SOUND gross but your breath is worse. Try it.

Gum disease isn’t that much of a laughing matter so if you have it then I apologize. I’d get that handled asap if I were you though. Still, gum helps. Listerine helps. Brushing helps. Get the point?

I’m not here to judge what you eat but if you enjoy the taste of shit you won’t make many friends, let alone boyfriends. Guys, this goes for you too. It’s directed more towards women though, because I’m not trying to kiss on a guy.

So please, for my nostrils sake, for your sexual life’s sake, and for everybody else’ sake in a 10 foot radius of you, brush your teeth and have some gum in your mouth at all time. Mints work fine too.

That is all.


I know I’m jaded. I know why too. She broke my heart and I try desperately to not let it happen again. I shut people out. I don’t let another one of “her” in.

It’s been a while since it happened but it left its scar as a reminder whenever I find a girl I like. This ugly, invisible scar. There’s no cream for it. No vitamin E oil I can rub on it. No one sees it but me. But everyone experiences it in some way.

Luckily, I’m fond of being alone. I enjoy my own space. Don’t get me wrong. I love people, for the most part. Well, OK, I love my friends. The rest of the people can fuck off. I exaggerate a lot.

I stopped thinking about her on a daily basis. That’s a relief in itself. Now, trying to completely move on while having this scar as a constant reminder is my new struggle. I’ll win. I always do. But how many girls will I burn in the meantime? Plenty of them have come and gone already. Some I know were special. The scar grows. The more I curse at it.

Don’t confuse this as depression. You’d be an idiot if you did. My life is actually amazing. If you knew me, you’d want my life. I don’t exaggerate about this. Ignorance is not bliss. Arrogance is.

The scar is getting smaller.  Slowly. I don’t worry about how long it’s taking anymore. It’s only a matter of time before it’s completely gone.

It’s only a matter of time until the next special one comes her way.


I have a problem. Not anything too serious, but a problem nonetheless. Finding a girl worth getting serious with is a hard task. An even harder task is maintaining that affection for her.

The rarity of finding one of these girls causes me to fall for them faster than I’d like. Thankfully, I have enough self-control to not share those feelings until the time is right, if ever. The issue I have though, is as quickly as I fall for these girls the feelings subside.

For whatever reason I hold these girls to a higher standard and if they don’t consistently meet it, the feelings stop. Shallow? No. It’s not like that at all. OK, maybe it is, but it’s not meant to be. It’s a defense mechanism.We’ve all been hurt and I’m no exception. This is how I prevent the hurt from happening again. But, as much as I love being single I’d like to have a stable relationship sometime in the future.

On the other hand, I’m not sure if I care enough whether or not I have a girlfriend. What’s the point? Seriously. What is the point…  Love? Overrated. Companionship? I have plenty of friends. Someone to talk to? Again, I have friends for that. Don’t even say sex. I have friends for that too.

If you haven’t figured it out I’m jaded. But, I know the sun comes up tomorrow and am still somewhat optimistic about my future.

I’ll just chalk this rant up to a long weekend. And dumb fuckin’ bitches.


 

Crazy chick licking her dog

Most definitely. She's crazy. Avoid.

 

Women. An interesting species for sure. Beautiful in many ways while crazy in others. Our testosterone and penis tells us to fuck as many as possible. We get ourselves in trouble a lot.

Some women, however, must be avoided at all costs. If you haven’t discovered who these women are, then keep reading. Subscribe too. I’ll be uncovering more as time goes on.

She likes animals? Cute.
She likes them more than people? Run. Run fast.

Don’t get me wrong. Animals are great. But they can’t talk to me and no matter what you say, they don’t understand a one word I say to them. That’s what friends are for. Or 1 (900) numbers, if you’re desperate.

Empirical research shows that women/girls who prefer animals over humans are, in fact, crazy. Think old lady with a million cats. That’s what she’ll be in the years to come.

Need more of a reason? They’re flakes. Don’t rely on them. You’ll be let down.

More? Drama. Their lives are consumed with it. They have to be. The animals they talk to don’t talk back and that can drive a person mad after a while. Read the rest of this entry »

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