Archives for posts with tag: boobs

An attractive chick unzipping her shorts

I’m not making any big discovery with this one. In fact, I’d be surprised if someone wasn’t aware of this already. Nevertheless, it still needs to be said.

I’ve recently come across a string of girls who use sex as some sort of excuse to escape reality. By this, I mean they have sex as a way to avoid the issue(s) that’s troubling them. To be fair, it’s my belief that they’re not aware this is the reason they do it.

If you aren’t following, don’t worry. This one’s slightly harder to explain than I had hoped. Let me give you an example: Take a girl who’s been in a long relationship with a man. They love each. Live together. Everything seems fine in the world until the guy she’s in love with wants to break up.

Following so far? Good.

Now this guy, as we’ve seen many times before, confesses to having feelings for another woman. He leaves this girl for the other woman. Complete and utter heartbreak ensues.

True story.
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angry guy yelling

That's how I felt on the inside.

It was about 3 years ago. I still remember it as if it was last night though. Thankfully it wasn’t.
I won’t bore you with details of how I met her but I’d like to add just one thing. I had met her years before this. Back then she was incredibly hot but we were both in relationships and never had the chance. Enough with all that. Here’s the story:

I should’ve known things weren’t going to be good when I had to pick her up at her work. Why you ask? Think about it. She didn’t get a chance to get ready. Or shower. Those things are important. You’ll see why further in the story.

So, I waited for her for half an hour as she finished her work. It was pointless to figure out ways of getting out of it. That didn’t stop me from considering it though.

If you noticed earlier in the story I said she was hot “back then”. Yeah. She wasn’t so hot anymore. My fiance and I had just broken up and I was holding on to my long lasting crush that had faded years back. I was determined to fuck this chick. I don’t know. Maybe I was trying to relive the past. Whatever it was, it was retarded. Back to the story.

After she finished work I followed her to her house so we could take one car and she could “freshen up” Looking back now, I should’ve thrown her in the shower. More on that later.
We spent way too much time at her house looking at random shit. Her place was a complete disaster. I’m not the neatest person in the world but she put a 13 year old boy to shame. I was ready for a drink. Or three.

The plan was drinks and billiards. Not too special but I did it for a reason. So I could drink and not give 100% of my attention to her. Classy.

When we got there things weren’t going too bad. I had hope. The chances were high for me getting laid. Read the rest of this entry »

Why big boobs are awesome

Good. Lord.

Two words: bouncy, bouncy.

First off, no. This does not, in any way, contradict my previous post. Small boobs ARE awesome. So are big ones.

It’s true that big boobs get a lot of press, not to mention looks, but let’s see if we can approach this in a different way.

What is it that makes big boobs so awesome? Well, most of them are soft. Softness is not to be taken lightly. It’s a big deal. Like many leather-bound books and an apartment that smells of rich mahogany big.

As the first sentence infers, they bounce. Like a trampoline. Running? Of course. Walking? Yes. Tip-toeing? Amazingly.

If you’ve read my previous posts you’ll know that I fancy the hour-glass shape of a woman. It’s impossible to have one without big boobs. They’re pretty much the best accessory a woman can have.

What’s that? You like butts? Me too! Big boobs compliment the greatest of butts like peanut butter and jelly. They just work together.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Cleavage. Where would this world be without cleavage? Lost. That’s where.

Big boobs are fun to play with too. Bored? Not when your girl has big boobs.

In other words, I love them.

Why small boobs are amazing

Absolutely adorable.

Two words: No bra.

How amazing is it when you see two small boobies in an American Apparel shirt with no bra? That’s a rhetorical question but if you really need to know, then, they’re amazing.

They’re little rays of sunshine in the afternoon after a cloudy morning.

They fit in your hand, in your mouth, but unfortunately, not in your pocket. Probably my only complaint.

I’m also a fan of small nipples and areolae and it just so happens that most small boobs have those. It’s perfection really. If you have small boobs, show those works of art off. Feel proud.

The fact that small boobs come in different shapes is the icing on the cake. The tear drop? Awesome. The perfect circle? Awesome. The always hard? Awesome. The banana? Awesome. The Hershey Kiss? Yeah, awesome.

I’d rather have small boobs as a pet than cat, dog or any other animal. In all honesty, I’d treat them better too.

And? They never sag. They just stay there all perky and happy as a kid in a candy shop.

In other words, I love them.

Dear Fake Breasts,

This may not be the kind of letter you’re used to getting but let me first start out by saying thank you. Thank you for making breasts that much bigger of a deal. No pun intended.

Throughout the years you’ve caused myself and men to stare in disbelief as you defy gravity as if Newton were an idiot. A truly amazing feat.

I know you’re used to garnering a lot of somewhat positive attention and I hate to burst your silicone bubble but the time has come to stop.

I’m sure, deep down, your initial purpose was to help women feel confident and more secure about their femininity and sexuality but throughout the years your intentions have become warped and, now, you no longer produce that admirable effect. Instead, you turn women against each other, competing for the attention of not only men, but other women.

And let’s not forget about overdoing it. You’ve somehow convinced an enormous amount of women that getting the extra 1,000 cc’s would be the perfect fit, making them ridiculously huge on top. Why? You know that’s not attractive.
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It’s my belief that you can’t escape embarrassment while having a sex life. We all have at least one moment where we wish a particular moment didn’t occur, but let’s face it, those memories are pretty hilarious even if we never share them with anyone. Ever.

Luckily for you, I’m not like others and I love sharing embarrassing moments. Although I did mention it, this story is not about sex in the traditional sense of the word. No, this is about sex with yourself, or as the pros call it, masturbation.

Penises should come with a manual…

At around 13 or 14 (they’re both the same age to me) I had already experienced hand jobs and blow jobs from a couple of girls but still no orgasms or masturbation – they go hand in hand right? So, alone, watching late night softcore, I figured the time had come to attempt my first masturbation session. Without going into the details of how I came to get an erection I’ll cut to the chase… I had a boner so I decided to rub it and see what happens.

There I was, standing in my dark room, stroking away like a man possessed, waiting for something magical to occur. Penises don’t exactly come with an instruction manual so I wasn’t exactly sure what to do so I just closed my eyes, thought about boobs and kept at it. I figured I was doing something right because it felt pretty good and on a couple of occasions thought I was cumming so I stopped and waited for whatever was supposed to happen next. Nothing. Frustration started to set in after a few times of failing but my determination wouldn’t let me quit. I was told magic was at the end of this road and I needed to experience it. Read the rest of this entry »

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