Archives for posts with tag: falling in love

Sometimes it amazes me how the smallest things can make the biggest impact.

I get one text and my world completely shifts. Just one sentence and my whole perspective on things is different. A text. That’s not supposed to happen. Not to me.

A part of me thought I was dreaming when I read it. See, I was at a party sharing a good time with my favorite people when it happened. Out of the blue is an understatement. I may as well have been completely alone in my own universe as I read it.

It took three times reading it to realize what she wrote was real. If anybody had been paying attention they would’ve seen the biggest, dumbest smile to ever cross my face.

I won’t share what was said. I’m scared of what it means. I could quite easily fall in love with this chick and that scares the hell out of me.

Being aware of how she effects me was a huge factor in the reason I haven’t told anybody about her and, of course, the text she sent on Saturday. I’m afraid if I told someone it’ll become real. That makes absolutely no sense, I know. And if it is true, I’m screwed by this post.

What’s even more fucked up is that I’m scared more of having a relationship with her and it ending badly than I am of asking her to have that relationship. What was once optimism has now turned into pessimism.

My initial instinct was to stop talking to her and just push her away. That’s easy. I can do that. I have plenty of practice doing that. Having friends not know about her makes it that much easier. So why haven’t I done that yet? I have no idea. I want to. No. I really don’t.

Maybe the hole that was dug out of my heart from years ago is slowly repairing itself. Maybe she’s helping fill the void. Maybe I actually like the feeling of this. Maybe I’m curious to see where it’ll go. Maybes are all I have right now.

I do know this though. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. Things are going very well right now so why change them. I don’t think I will. Yet.


I have a problem. Not anything too serious, but a problem nonetheless. Finding a girl worth getting serious with is a hard task. An even harder task is maintaining that affection for her.

The rarity of finding one of these girls causes me to fall for them faster than I’d like. Thankfully, I have enough self-control to not share those feelings until the time is right, if ever. The issue I have though, is as quickly as I fall for these girls the feelings subside.

For whatever reason I hold these girls to a higher standard and if they don’t consistently meet it, the feelings stop. Shallow? No. It’s not like that at all. OK, maybe it is, but it’s not meant to be. It’s a defense mechanism.We’ve all been hurt and I’m no exception. This is how I prevent the hurt from happening again. But, as much as I love being single I’d like to have a stable relationship sometime in the future.

On the other hand, I’m not sure if I care enough whether or not I have a girlfriend. What’s the point? Seriously. What is the point…  Love? Overrated. Companionship? I have plenty of friends. Someone to talk to? Again, I have friends for that. Don’t even say sex. I have friends for that too.

If you haven’t figured it out I’m jaded. But, I know the sun comes up tomorrow and am still somewhat optimistic about my future.

I’ll just chalk this rant up to a long weekend. And dumb fuckin’ bitches.

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