Archives for posts with tag: friends

Sex in a small car

It’s been a while since I’ve shared a story of mine so here you go.

I was probably about 18 at the time. At my friend’s house. Watching porn. Yeah, looking back it’s slightly awkward, but that’s beside the point. Nothing homosexual happened so stop thinking it and let me finish this story.

A few minutes of this I realized that I could be getting laid. I called one of my “friends” to help facilitate this. We’ll call her Kim. That’s not her her real name, but you knew that. Blonde. Thin. Big breasts. Full lips. Great ass. Cool with just being “friends”. In other words, perfect. She arrived 20 minutes later. We resumed watching porn. A few minutes pass and I asked my friend for a room to take Kim into. Being a jealous virgin at the time, he refused. Fucking bullshit. He did, however, have a spare condom. Shocking.

I had been drinking so driving wasn’t an option. In retrospect, she could have driven us to my house and back but like I said, I had been drinking. I couldn’t think straight at that point. Read the rest of this entry »


Couples kissingAs a proponent for being single I had an interesting thought as to why relationships are beneficial. It took an awkward exchange with one of my girl friends for this to happen but that’s besides the point. Girl friend, not girlfriend. Weird that I have those right?

Luckily enough she knows me really well and my rants don’t affect her. It’s a good thing too because I seem to do it a lot with her. After a recent spazz of mine there was a long silence from her. I thought I had done it this time. I apologized and she responded saying that I was going crazy. She was right. Apparently she let’s me go off my tangents for her amusement. Wait, wait, wait. How often do I do that? Why do I do it with her more than others? There had to be a reason for this. There had to be a blog post in this.

Men and women go crazy in their own way. We all have problems but I think men and women are affected by them differently.

The craziness of the opposite sex negates each other when they’re together. Like two negatives making a positive. Ok, maybe the craziness doesn’t go away completely but I believe with the right person it can dramatically decrease.

How does this happen? My guess is magic. Or, it could just have to do with the person being there to listen to you and vice versa.

Being able to communicate with someone that you share a special bond with is a lot different than talking to your friends. Knowing that you have someone there by your side whether present or not is also something to be considered.

It’s just the thought but who knows. There might just be something to this whole relationship thing.


I know I’m jaded. I know why too. She broke my heart and I try desperately to not let it happen again. I shut people out. I don’t let another one of “her” in.

It’s been a while since it happened but it left its scar as a reminder whenever I find a girl I like. This ugly, invisible scar. There’s no cream for it. No vitamin E oil I can rub on it. No one sees it but me. But everyone experiences it in some way.

Luckily, I’m fond of being alone. I enjoy my own space. Don’t get me wrong. I love people, for the most part. Well, OK, I love my friends. The rest of the people can fuck off. I exaggerate a lot.

I stopped thinking about her on a daily basis. That’s a relief in itself. Now, trying to completely move on while having this scar as a constant reminder is my new struggle. I’ll win. I always do. But how many girls will I burn in the meantime? Plenty of them have come and gone already. Some I know were special. The scar grows. The more I curse at it.

Don’t confuse this as depression. You’d be an idiot if you did. My life is actually amazing. If you knew me, you’d want my life. I don’t exaggerate about this. Ignorance is not bliss. Arrogance is.

The scar is getting smaller.  Slowly. I don’t worry about how long it’s taking anymore. It’s only a matter of time before it’s completely gone.

It’s only a matter of time until the next special one comes her way.


I have a problem. Not anything too serious, but a problem nonetheless. Finding a girl worth getting serious with is a hard task. An even harder task is maintaining that affection for her.

The rarity of finding one of these girls causes me to fall for them faster than I’d like. Thankfully, I have enough self-control to not share those feelings until the time is right, if ever. The issue I have though, is as quickly as I fall for these girls the feelings subside.

For whatever reason I hold these girls to a higher standard and if they don’t consistently meet it, the feelings stop. Shallow? No. It’s not like that at all. OK, maybe it is, but it’s not meant to be. It’s a defense mechanism.We’ve all been hurt and I’m no exception. This is how I prevent the hurt from happening again. But, as much as I love being single I’d like to have a stable relationship sometime in the future.

On the other hand, I’m not sure if I care enough whether or not I have a girlfriend. What’s the point? Seriously. What is the point…  Love? Overrated. Companionship? I have plenty of friends. Someone to talk to? Again, I have friends for that. Don’t even say sex. I have friends for that too.

If you haven’t figured it out I’m jaded. But, I know the sun comes up tomorrow and am still somewhat optimistic about my future.

I’ll just chalk this rant up to a long weekend. And dumb fuckin’ bitches.


Elmo will cock block and steal your girlfriend

Elmo will cock block you. Here's proof.

The fact that I have to write this is amazing. Every guy, who’s ever been laid, knows about this unspoken manrule. It takes real douchebaggery to ignore it. Such is the case of a “friend” who violated it over the weekend.

Before I begin, let me tell you that I don’t care and I know there’s plenty of vagina in the sea, which is why I’m not going to get into what happened, but I will reiterate why this is a rule amongst men.

It’s a well-known, documented fact that just about every single-man is looking to get laid at any given moment. This is particularly true when going out to bars, parties and other social gatherings. Aside from it’s obvious meaning it also adds up to competition, one which is never healthy. Add to that the many reasons why guys won’t get laid and you’ll see why it’s hard for some to get laid, if at all. Read the rest of this entry »


Think she may be the perfect girl but not sure what to expect? Check out her past and look for the patterns.

Now, don’t go all Mark David Chapman on her and stalk the chick, just inquire about previous relationships. Usually this is done when you’re friends, before taking it to the relationship level. Otherwise, just ask when the time is right (read: NOT on the first date. Ever. Period.)

Why, you ask? Well, let me introduce to you my second theory: Women usually have dating patterns and what she did in the past will most likely be her future.

It’s easy to see this so if you don’t believe me, look around. How often do you see a girl’s relationship status change? There are some out there that change quite frequently (relationship whores, serial relationshippers, etc.)… Probably a sign to stay away. But that’s an easy example and if you’re trying to date a girl strictly through Facebook you have other problems. Read the rest of this entry »

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