Archives for posts with tag: men

How do you keep the love going? I don't know

Question posed: I got the girl, now how do I maintain the relationship?

That’s about as difficult to answer as, “What is she thinking?”

Answer, in short: I have no fuckin’ clue.

I’ve failed enough relationships to last a lifetime. I’m probably the last guy to ask. I do, however, know what not to do. That’ll take way too long to list though, and probably not what you’re looking for.

The best advice I could give you is, don’t do anything she wouldn’t want you to do and do the things she likes. That varies, of course. It’s your job to find those things out. That, in itself, helps to maintain the relationship.

An incredibly successful man, both in business and in life, once told me, “Be the man she wants.” It made sense at the time. Still does, in fact. But that breeds another question; what does she want? Most of the girls I know have no clue what they want. When they do, it changes the next week.

As frustrating as that can be, it’s what you have to do. The good thing is, if you pay good enough attention it’ll be easy.
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Couples kissingAs a proponent for being single I had an interesting thought as to why relationships are beneficial. It took an awkward exchange with one of my girl friends for this to happen but that’s besides the point. Girl friend, not girlfriend. Weird that I have those right?

Luckily enough she knows me really well and my rants don’t affect her. It’s a good thing too because I seem to do it a lot with her. After a recent spazz of mine there was a long silence from her. I thought I had done it this time. I apologized and she responded saying that I was going crazy. She was right. Apparently she let’s me go off my tangents for her amusement. Wait, wait, wait. How often do I do that? Why do I do it with her more than others? There had to be a reason for this. There had to be a blog post in this.

Men and women go crazy in their own way. We all have problems but I think men and women are affected by them differently.

The craziness of the opposite sex negates each other when they’re together. Like two negatives making a positive. Ok, maybe the craziness doesn’t go away completely but I believe with the right person it can dramatically decrease.

How does this happen? My guess is magic. Or, it could just have to do with the person being there to listen to you and vice versa.

Being able to communicate with someone that you share a special bond with is a lot different than talking to your friends. Knowing that you have someone there by your side whether present or not is also something to be considered.

It’s just the thought but who knows. There might just be something to this whole relationship thing.


I’ve heard it. You’ve heard. We get it. There aren’t any “good” guys out there. Bullshit. You’re just too busy being a slut to notice.

Before you continue reading, let me inform you that I’m pretty sure I’m not “the good” guy. Continue on…

Upon hearing this crap I hold back the urge to shout. This is usually the same girl who got drunk the night before and picked the lowliest of guys to bang. Another story I’ll touch on in another post…

Somewhere along being asked to leave his dirty room and the walk of shame she thinks this is how all guys are. Perhaps that’s the reason she continues to do this. At least it’s a decent excuse. A truth it’s not.

The truth? There’s plenty of good guys out there. They aren’t normally the guys who’ll fuck you within a half-hour of meeting you though. So, stop blowing guys on the first date (if it even gets that far) and they’ll eventually come out of hiding to meet you.

If you open your eyes instead of your legs you’ll find a few. I guarantee it.

 


Dear Fake Breasts,

This may not be the kind of letter you’re used to getting but let me first start out by saying thank you. Thank you for making breasts that much bigger of a deal. No pun intended.

Throughout the years you’ve caused myself and men to stare in disbelief as you defy gravity as if Newton were an idiot. A truly amazing feat.

I know you’re used to garnering a lot of somewhat positive attention and I hate to burst your silicone bubble but the time has come to stop.

I’m sure, deep down, your initial purpose was to help women feel confident and more secure about their femininity and sexuality but throughout the years your intentions have become warped and, now, you no longer produce that admirable effect. Instead, you turn women against each other, competing for the attention of not only men, but other women.

And let’s not forget about overdoing it. You’ve somehow convinced an enormous amount of women that getting the extra 1,000 cc’s would be the perfect fit, making them ridiculously huge on top. Why? You know that’s not attractive.
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Today, while in the bathroom, standing in front of the urinal, something caught my eye. Curious as I am, I decided to investigate. Smeared against the wall, just underneath the handle, was the most hideously large booger just chillin’ there for everyone who needed to pee to take part in. My first thought: “That’s fuckin’ gross.” Second thought: “How the fuck did someone manage to get piss on TOP of the urinal?”

As a man you’re inevitably going to see/hear/smell some gross happenings in the bathroom. That’s life and I’m cool with that, but seriously, a nostril nugget AND piss on top of the urinal? Why? That’s completely unnecessary and shows that whoever did it is obviously not hygienic, and of course smooth, enough to ever get laid without paying for it. This goes the same for the guys who shoot snot out of their nose in public like it’s manliest thing to do. Grow up douchebag; we’re not in kindergarten. Read the rest of this entry »

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