Sex In a Small Car

It’s been a while since I’ve shared a story of mine so here you go.

I was probably about 18 at the time. At my friend’s house. Watching porn. Yeah, looking back it’s slightly awkward, but that’s beside the point. Nothing homosexual happened so stop thinking it and let me finish this story.

A few minutes of this I realized that I could be getting laid. I called one of my “friends” to help facilitate this. We’ll call her Kim. That’s not her her real name, but you knew that. Blonde. Thin. Big breasts. Full lips. Great ass. Cool with just being “friends”. In other words, perfect. She arrived 20 minutes later. We resumed watching porn. A few minutes pass and I asked my friend for a room to take Kim into. Being a jealous virgin at the time, he refused. Fucking bullshit. He did, however, have a spare condom. Shocking.

I had been drinking so driving wasn’t an option. In retrospect, she could have driven us to my house and back but like I said, I had been drinking. I couldn’t think straight at that point.

Theory #4: Women Use Sex to Be Right

I’m not making any big discovery with this one. In fact, I’d be surprised if someone wasn’t aware of this already. Nevertheless, it still needs to be said.

I’ve recently come across a string of girls who use sex as some sort of excuse to escape reality. By this, I mean they have sex as a way to avoid the issue(s) that’s troubling them. To be fair, it’s my belief that they’re not aware this is the reason they do it.

If you aren’t following, don’t worry. This one’s slightly harder to explain than I had hoped. Let me give you an example: Take a girl who’s been in a long relationship with a man. They love each. Live together. Everything seems fine in the world until the guy she’s in love with wants to break up.

Following so far? Good.

Now this guy, as we’ve seen many times before, confesses to having feelings for another woman. He leaves this girl for the other woman. Complete and utter heartbreak ensues.

True story.

Playing Hard to Get

A question was asked of me, not too long ago, on how a guy can play hard to get.

To be honest, I really didn’t have an answer so I ignored it. Until now.

To be fair, I didn’t start this blog with the intention of giving dating advice, but, I’d like to give this one a shot if you don’t mind. If I look stupid in the process that’s your fault. You need better judgment. I’m kidding. Slightly.

Enough chatter, here goes…

I can only assume that this person, who shall remain nameless, wanted the answer because he moves too quickly. This wasn’t a quick assumption either. It basically boiled down to the question of, “Why would a guy want to play hard to get?”  I could’ve sworn only girls did this…

I started to write a massively long list of things to do and realized I was over-analyzing this. It’s really fuckin’ simple.

Act like you don’t give a shit while still making yourself known to her. If you’re able to do this while remaining calm, you’re golden.

You want her number? Get it in a way that it seems like you couldn’t care whether or not she gave it to you but without being a total ass that she refuses.

It may sound confusing at first but try not to think about it so hard. The important part in all of this is that you remain calm and not look needy. Girls love a guy with confidence. They also happen to love a game, whether they admit it or not.

So to answer your question on how do you play hard to get, be calm and have confidence and don’t rush things. Take things one step at a time. Oh, and it doesn’t hurt to be a dick to a certain extent.

Why “THE” guy doesn’t exist

I’ve heard it. You’ve heard. We get it. There aren’t any “good” guys out there. Bullshit. You’re just too busy being a slut to notice.

Before you continue reading, let me inform you that I’m pretty sure I’m not “the good” guy. Continue on…

Upon hearing this crap I hold back the urge to shout. This is usually the same girl who got drunk the night before and picked the lowliest of guys to bang. Another story I’ll touch on in another post…

Somewhere along being asked to leave his dirty room and the walk of shame she thinks this is how all guys are. Perhaps that’s the reason she continues to do this. At least it’s a decent excuse. A truth it’s not.

The truth? There’s plenty of good guys out there. They aren’t normally the guys who’ll fuck you within a half-hour of meeting you though. So, stop blowing guys on the first date (if it even gets that far) and they’ll eventually come out of hiding to meet you.

If you open your eyes instead of your legs you’ll find a few. I guarantee it.

 

Why Big Boobs Are Awesome

Good. Lord.

Two words: bouncy, bouncy.

First off, no. This does not, in any way, contradict my previous post. Small boobs ARE awesome. So are big ones.

It’s true that big boobs get a lot of press, not to mention looks, but let’s see if we can approach this in a different way.

What is it that makes big boobs so awesome? Well, most of them are soft. Softness is not to be taken lightly. It’s a big deal. Like many leather-bound books and an apartment that smells of rich mahogany big.

As the first sentence infers, they bounce. Like a trampoline. Running? Of course. Walking? Yes. Tip-toeing? Amazingly.

If you’ve read my previous posts you’ll know that I fancy the hour-glass shape of a woman. It’s impossible to have one without big boobs. They’re pretty much the best accessory a woman can have.

What’s that? You like butts? Me too! Big boobs compliment the greatest of butts like peanut butter and jelly. They just work together.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Cleavage. Where would this world be without cleavage? Lost. That’s where.

Big boobs are fun to play with too. Bored? Not when your girl has big boobs.

In other words, I love them.

Why Small Boobs Are Awesome

Absolutely adorable.

Two words: No bra.

How amazing is it when you see two small boobies in an American Apparel shirt with no bra? That’s a rhetorical question but if you really need to know, then, they’re amazing.

They’re little rays of sunshine in the afternoon after a cloudy morning.

They fit in your hand, in your mouth, but unfortunately, not in your pocket. Probably my only complaint.

I’m also a fan of small nipples and areolae and it just so happens that most small boobs have those. It’s perfection really. If you have small boobs, show those works of art off. Feel proud.

The fact that small boobs come in different shapes is the icing on the cake. The tear drop? Awesome. The perfect circle? Awesome. The always hard? Awesome. The banana? Awesome. The Hershey Kiss? Yeah, awesome.

I’d rather have small boobs as a pet than cat, dog or any other animal. In all honesty, I’d treat them better too.

And? They never sag. They just stay there all perky and happy as a kid in a candy shop.

In other words, I love them.

So Many Reasons Why Women Are Beautiful

The number of times I’ve looked at a woman and said, “Wow” to myself are countless. It’s an instinct ingrained in all men. Obviously, we all do it for different reasons but I catch myself doing it out of a woman’s sheer beauty. So, I asked myself, “What is it about women that makes them beautiful?” Apparently I have a lot of time on my hands to ponder such an unanswerable question. The reality is, there’s no one reason.

I could say the obvious: tits, ass, and pussy and I’d be right. Those are beautiful, however, they’re a few in a woman’s endless sea of attraction. For instance, it should be a well-known fact that a woman’s skin is considerably smoother than that of a man’s. Such simple things can drive a person crazy.

The shapes you can find while roaming a woman’s body is quite possibly the best exercise in geometry a man will ever partake in.

As disturbing as this may come across, I’ve admired a girl’s hair. HAIR! Not in a creepy or jealous way but just as another “wow”. A girl’s hair can be the icing on a cake that puts her over the top. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I may have a problem but I don’t care.

I won’t even start on the dumbfounding effects of an hourglass figure.

As much I have been somewhat of a womanizer in the past, and occasionally fall back into, I have always admired the beauty of a woman and for that I will always be grateful.

Mastering the Art of Creeping at Age 11

Yeah, she pretty much looked that.

Back before the schoolyard hand and blow jobs I was an almost-normal young male, except for my unprecedented perseverance. I usually got what I wanted one way or another but this particular prize took some cunning that was definitely not taught in school…

There she was, like a dream

On an afternoon of an exceptionally normal day, breaking through the doldrums like only she could, the hottest girl of my age came to visit my school. Since the school wasn’t public, we offered parents and their children a chance to experience the goings on through tours and what we retardedly called “buddy days”; where the kids could come for a day to see if it was a right fit. (It only sounds ridiculous because it is.) Luckily for me my future ex-girlfriend had a cousin that attended the school and decided to take one of those tours.

When she came to my classroom I couldn’t help but stare in disbelief and infatuation. With long blond hair, a tight shirt showing off her perky breasts, short shorts that instantly turned me into an ass man, and knee high socks, she drove me insane. She had to be mine.

Being too dumbfounded to speak to her to get her name I had to resort to other means of getting to know her when I found out she wouldn’t be attending the school. The only way I’d see her again was if I befriended her cousin who happened to hate me.

An Open Letter to Fake Breasts

Dear Fake Breasts,

This may not be the kind of letter you’re used to getting but let me first start out by saying thank you. Thank you for making breasts that much bigger of a deal. No pun intended.

Throughout the years you’ve caused myself and men to stare in disbelief as you defy gravity as if Newton were an idiot. A truly amazing feat.

I know you’re used to garnering a lot of somewhat positive attention and I hate to burst your silicone bubble but the time has come to stop.

I’m sure, deep down, your initial purpose was to help women feel confident and more secure about their femininity and sexuality but throughout the years your intentions have become warped and, now, you no longer produce that admirable effect. Instead, you turn women against each other, competing for the attention of not only men, but other women.

And let’s not forget about overdoing it. You’ve somehow convinced an enormous amount of women that getting the extra 1,000 cc’s would be the perfect fit, making them ridiculously huge on top. Why? You know that’s not attractive.

There’s A First Time for Everything

It’s my belief that you can’t escape embarrassment while having a sex life. We all have at least one moment where we wish a particular moment didn’t occur, but let’s face it, those memories are pretty hilarious even if we never share them with anyone. Ever.

Luckily for you, I’m not like others and I love sharing embarrassing moments. Although I did mention it, this story is not about sex in the traditional sense of the word. No, this is about sex with yourself, or as the pros call it, masturbation.

Penises should come with a manual…

At around 13 or 14 (they’re both the same age to me) I had already experienced hand jobs and blow jobs from a couple of girls but still no orgasms or masturbation – they go hand in hand right? So, alone, watching late night softcore, I figured the time had come to attempt my first masturbation session. Without going into the details of how I came to get an erection I’ll cut to the chase… I had a boner so I decided to rub it and see what happens.

There I was, standing in my dark room, stroking away like a man possessed, waiting for something magical to occur. Penises don’t exactly come with an instruction manual so I wasn’t exactly sure what to do so I just closed my eyes, thought about boobs and kept at it. I figured I was doing something right because it felt pretty good and on a couple of occasions thought I was cumming so I stopped and waited for whatever was supposed to happen next. Nothing. Frustration started to set in after a few times of failing but my determination wouldn’t let me quit. I was told magic was at the end of this road and I needed to experience it.