Sex In a Small Car

It’s been a while since I’ve shared a story of mine so here you go.

I was probably about 18 at the time. At my friend’s house. Watching porn. Yeah, looking back it’s slightly awkward, but that’s beside the point. Nothing homosexual happened so stop thinking it and let me finish this story.

A few minutes of this I realized that I could be getting laid. I called one of my “friends” to help facilitate this. We’ll call her Kim. That’s not her her real name, but you knew that. Blonde. Thin. Big breasts. Full lips. Great ass. Cool with just being “friends”. In other words, perfect. She arrived 20 minutes later. We resumed watching porn. A few minutes pass and I asked my friend for a room to take Kim into. Being a jealous virgin at the time, he refused. Fucking bullshit. He did, however, have a spare condom. Shocking.

I had been drinking so driving wasn’t an option. In retrospect, she could have driven us to my house and back but like I said, I had been drinking. I couldn’t think straight at that point.

Follow me on Tumblr

As you can see I’ve been sacking in the blog department.

The trouble is, sometimes (most of the time) I hate writing. Well, not so much writing but editing. I hate editing my posts.

So, in the meantime, follow me on Tumblr and pass the time with pictures, music, videos and short text posts.

Enjoy.

http://sexandheadaches.tumblr.com/

 

Things I Want To Say Sometimes

This goes to that “special” person I know and hate on occasion, yet continue to be friends with.

I’ve wanted to say this for a little while now, but couldn’t find the right way to say it let alone the time, so here goes…

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck YOU.

Why are we friends? I honestly don’t know.

I thought you were cool at one point but something changed… I can’t figure out what, but it felt like it was me and/or my imagination. It wasn’t. It’s you. You’re just a bitch.

Let’s forget each other and never speak again.

I wish I had the balls to say this to the person, but I don’t, so I’ll just ignore them for now…

Advice from a Failure

How do you keep the love going? I don't know

Question posed: I got the girl, now how do I maintain the relationship?

That’s about as difficult to answer as, “What is she thinking?”

Answer, in short: I have no fuckin’ clue.

I’ve failed enough relationships to last a lifetime. I’m probably the last guy to ask. I do, however, know what not to do. That’ll take way too long to list though, and probably not what you’re looking for.

The best advice I could give you is, don’t do anything she wouldn’t want you to do and do the things she likes. That varies, of course. It’s your job to find those things out. That, in itself, helps to maintain the relationship.

An incredibly successful man, both in business and in life, once told me, “Be the man she wants.” It made sense at the time. Still does, in fact. But that breeds another question; what does she want? Most of the girls I know have no clue what they want. When they do, it changes the next week.

As frustrating as that can be, it’s what you have to do. The good thing is, if you pay good enough attention it’ll be easy.

Theory #4: Women Use Sex to Be Right

I’m not making any big discovery with this one. In fact, I’d be surprised if someone wasn’t aware of this already. Nevertheless, it still needs to be said.

I’ve recently come across a string of girls who use sex as some sort of excuse to escape reality. By this, I mean they have sex as a way to avoid the issue(s) that’s troubling them. To be fair, it’s my belief that they’re not aware this is the reason they do it.

If you aren’t following, don’t worry. This one’s slightly harder to explain than I had hoped. Let me give you an example: Take a girl who’s been in a long relationship with a man. They love each. Live together. Everything seems fine in the world until the guy she’s in love with wants to break up.

Following so far? Good.

Now this guy, as we’ve seen many times before, confesses to having feelings for another woman. He leaves this girl for the other woman. Complete and utter heartbreak ensues.

True story.

With One Sentence, It All Changed.

Sometimes it amazes me how the smallest things can make the biggest impact.

I get one text and my world completely shifts. Just one sentence and my whole perspective on things is different. A text. That’s not supposed to happen. Not to me.

A part of me thought I was dreaming when I read it. See, I was at a party sharing a good time with my favorite people when it happened. Out of the blue is an understatement. I may as well have been completely alone in my own universe as I read it.

It took three times reading it to realize what she wrote was real. If anybody had been paying attention they would’ve seen the biggest, dumbest smile to ever cross my face.

I won’t share what was said. I’m scared of what it means. I could quite easily fall in love with this chick and that scares the hell out of me.

Being aware of how she effects me was a huge factor in the reason I haven’t told anybody about her and, of course, the text she sent on Saturday. I’m afraid if I told someone it’ll become real. That makes absolutely no sense, I know. And if it is true, I’m screwed by this post.

What’s even more fucked up is that I’m scared more of having a relationship with her and it ending badly than I am of asking her to have that relationship. What was once optimism has now turned into pessimism.

My initial instinct was to stop talking to her and just push her away. That’s easy. I can do that. I have plenty of practice doing that. Having friends not know about her makes it that much easier. So why haven’t I done that yet? I have no idea. I want to. No. I really don’t.

Maybe the hole that was dug out of my heart from years ago is slowly repairing itself. Maybe she’s helping fill the void. Maybe I actually like the feeling of this. Maybe I’m curious to see where it’ll go. Maybes are all I have right now.

I do know this though. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. Things are going very well right now so why change them. I don’t think I will. Yet.

Playing Hard to Get

A question was asked of me, not too long ago, on how a guy can play hard to get.

To be honest, I really didn’t have an answer so I ignored it. Until now.

To be fair, I didn’t start this blog with the intention of giving dating advice, but, I’d like to give this one a shot if you don’t mind. If I look stupid in the process that’s your fault. You need better judgment. I’m kidding. Slightly.

Enough chatter, here goes…

I can only assume that this person, who shall remain nameless, wanted the answer because he moves too quickly. This wasn’t a quick assumption either. It basically boiled down to the question of, “Why would a guy want to play hard to get?”  I could’ve sworn only girls did this…

I started to write a massively long list of things to do and realized I was over-analyzing this. It’s really fuckin’ simple.

Act like you don’t give a shit while still making yourself known to her. If you’re able to do this while remaining calm, you’re golden.

You want her number? Get it in a way that it seems like you couldn’t care whether or not she gave it to you but without being a total ass that she refuses.

It may sound confusing at first but try not to think about it so hard. The important part in all of this is that you remain calm and not look needy. Girls love a guy with confidence. They also happen to love a game, whether they admit it or not.

So to answer your question on how do you play hard to get, be calm and have confidence and don’t rush things. Take things one step at a time. Oh, and it doesn’t hurt to be a dick to a certain extent.

Yin and Yang = Penis and Vagina

As a proponent for being single I had an interesting thought as to why relationships are beneficial. It took an awkward exchange with one of my girl friends for this to happen but that’s besides the point. Girl friend, not girlfriend. Weird that I have those right?

Luckily enough she knows me really well and my rants don’t affect her. It’s a good thing too because I seem to do it a lot with her. After a recent spazz of mine there was a long silence from her. I thought I had done it this time. I apologized and she responded saying that I was going crazy. She was right. Apparently she let’s me go off my tangents for her amusement. Wait, wait, wait. How often do I do that? Why do I do it with her more than others? There had to be a reason for this. There had to be a blog post in this.

Men and women go crazy in their own way. We all have problems but I think men and women are affected by them differently.

The craziness of the opposite sex negates each other when they’re together. Like two negatives making a positive. Ok, maybe the craziness doesn’t go away completely but I believe with the right person it can dramatically decrease.

How does this happen? My guess is magic. Or, it could just have to do with the person being there to listen to you and vice versa.

Being able to communicate with someone that you share a special bond with is a lot different than talking to your friends. Knowing that you have someone there by your side whether present or not is also something to be considered.

It’s just the thought but who knows. There might just be something to this whole relationship thing.

Theory #3: Why Women Love Drama

It’s a well known fact. Women love drama. Maybe a generality that all women do but I’ve yet to meet one who doesn’t. Maybe another generality, but who’s keeping track.

If you’re a woman reading this, you’re probably thinking, “Omg, I don’t love drama at all!” Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all say that.

But why exactly do they love drama? Good question.

If it’s not drama with their boyfriend, it’s drama with their girl friend. If it’s neither of those then, well, it’s whatever they can think of.

I used to think it was just because they’re women and have vaginas. Vaginas are confusing so they are too. Makes sense right? This theory could be true but it’s an easy way out. I needed more.

My other theory was a much worse one. I figured it was just in their DNA. After meeting so many girls with drama I began to come up with any reason as to why they were the way they were. Lazy.

But I think I know why now. Women are problem solvers by nature. What happens if they don’t have a problem to solve? They find one. What’s drama? Another term for problems. The only reason why a woman’s drama is different then a man’s problem is their more vocal about it. And they like to let it draw on and on. And on. And…….. on.

Maybe some don’t realize their dramas are actually problems so they never see the solution. Who knows. The fact still remains though. Women love drama. Maybe if enough read this there will be less in the world and we’d all be happy for it.

Wishful thinking.

The Worst First Date Ever… So Far

That's how I felt on the inside.

It was about 3 years ago. I still remember it as if it was last night though. Thankfully it wasn’t.
I won’t bore you with details of how I met her but I’d like to add just one thing. I had met her years before this. Back then she was incredibly hot but we were both in relationships and never had the chance. Enough with all that. Here’s the story:

I should’ve known things weren’t going to be good when I had to pick her up at her work. Why you ask? Think about it. She didn’t get a chance to get ready. Or shower. Those things are important. You’ll see why further in the story.

So, I waited for her for half an hour as she finished her work. It was pointless to figure out ways of getting out of it. That didn’t stop me from considering it though.

If you noticed earlier in the story I said she was hot “back then”. Yeah. She wasn’t so hot anymore. My fiance and I had just broken up and I was holding on to my long lasting crush that had faded years back. I was determined to fuck this chick. I don’t know. Maybe I was trying to relive the past. Whatever it was, it was retarded. Back to the story.

After she finished work I followed her to her house so we could take one car and she could “freshen up” Looking back now, I should’ve thrown her in the shower. More on that later.
We spent way too much time at her house looking at random shit. Her place was a complete disaster. I’m not the neatest person in the world but she put a 13 year old boy to shame. I was ready for a drink. Or three.

The plan was drinks and billiards. Not too special but I did it for a reason. So I could drink and not give 100% of my attention to her. Classy.

When we got there things weren’t going too bad. I had hope. The chances were high for me getting laid.